Building Blocks for Happy Families


Five families sit at round tables in the fellowship hall of the Bayboro Missionary Baptist Church. There are parents, grandparents, parents-to-be and children ranging in age from 4 to 12 years old. Adults have thick three-ring binders, and everyone has a plateful of fried food, catered for this evening’s meeting.


The families assemble here every Thursday evening for 14 weeks, participating in a family-centered course called Strengthening Families of Pamlico County, supported by the Pamlico Partnership for Children and the Duke Endowment. The course is offered every few months.

Katelyn Girard, who runs the program, tells me there are no other parenting support programs available to families in the county. She mentions a local decline in mental health, self care and the drug epidemic’s generational impact on the county. All of these things have made this program a necessity for many families and children here.


When the food is closer to gone, the younger children head to their class space upstairs, where Judy Robinson teaches them fun, problem-solving games. Scott Fitzgerald and his wife, Kathy, stand outside on the church steps in the shade, talking with the older children gathered around about what happened since their last meeting.


In a big room normally used for Sunday school, Ashley Cephas and Michelle Shields meet with the adults, now seated at long folding tables arranged in a U. They are here to support them and their families, to see them through the course by helping them interpret situations and arrive at effective parenting strategies.


They start the meeting by talking about “mom brain,” chore charts, “listening ears,” and “helping hands.” The adults open the three-ring binders to take notes. Inside are chapters covering research, exercises, games, and ideas, all gathered to teach families how to be operational and loving. Some adults have organized their binders with colorful tabs.

They go over their lessons from last week: reward good behavior, ignore bad behavior.
“At the end of the day, what children really want is our attention—even if it is negative attention. Ignoring is the best way to get rid of the negative behavior,” Ashley explains. The parents nod hopefully.

“Last week we gave our kids ‘child’s game.’ We gave them our undivided attention—no phone, no distractions. This week,” Michelle continues, diving into this week’s lesson, “we are playing ‘parents game.’“

“Be in charge of your household. Remember,” Michelle says, channeling every adult’s future, “I’m in control, you are not going to manipulate me. We are not asking them to do something, we are telling them. Start with ‘I need you to….’’’


She looks at Erica and Greg, a young couple expecting soon; photos from their recent sonogram decorate their binder. “Try it on your partner…” They blush. “I need you to take out the trash,” offers Michelle as an example.


“This is how we will get kids to do what they need to do,” she continues. “Communicate exactly what you want the child to do, where and when. Be brief, use a firm but polite voice, and follow through with the award, or ignore them if they are not doing it.”


The adults nod and take notes. An hour later, armed with new tools and perspectives, they leave the classroom to join their children outside for an exercise. Each family is a team and each member of the family has a balloon, each keeping their own balloon afloat, helping and encouraging each other, illustrating the challenges and fun of working together. Once one family is recognized as the winner, they return to the fellowship hall, laughing, and gather round their family tables.


Here, they hold “family meetings.” Katelyn makes an announcement to the kids.

“We practiced “child’s game” last week, but this week we are doing ‘parents’ game,’” she says, referencing the tips the adults learned this evening.


A mom with two kids at her table crosses her fingers for luck. Groans are heard from the next table over. “Child’s game sounds like so much more fun,” says a 10-year-old boy. The adults smile.

To contact Katelyn, donate or sign up for Strengthening Families of Pamlico County, call 252-745-7850 or look here for more information.

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